A (somewhat) Happy/ unhappy love story......Textationship.....!

....Part 3....contd from Aug 11th post....

Love letters are romantic. Texting? Not so much. It’s shallow, impersonal, and to most women, a minefield when it comes to dating. At least that's how I viewed it. How does one build a relationship on the internet, transcending beyond the screen?

Yet somehow, 700+ text messages in one week, since we exchanged numbers, I was slowly falling in love with a complete stranger I met through a matrimonial site, living in another country.

We texted almost every waking hour of every single day. It was hard not to. From the time we woke up, in our respective time zones, till the time we went to bed. His mornings started with me giving him a 'missed wake-up call' and/or a text message, while I was on my way to college. And my nights ended with him texting me, till I drifted to sleep.

The 'missed wake-up call' evolved from a story of it's own. It had been a few days of back-and-forth texts; Mr A and I were texting till the wee hours of the morning (I think it was 4am IST). Clearly, both of us had less than 3-4 hours to catch up on some sleep, before the morning set in. Prior to shutting down, he asked me of-chance, if I would give him a missed wake-up call the next morning. (A missed wake up call is when you call someone and cut the line before letting the intended person answer. You don't actually wait for the person, on the other end, to pick up the call to talk). Sounds silly right?

Honestly, I didn't think make much of this casual request right then, but I obliged. It was no big deal.

However, out of my never-ending curiosity, I asked him "Wouldn't you rather prefer waking up to an alarm?".

He instantly texted back, without hesitation, "No. I would rather wake up to see your number flashing on my phone....waking me up.....than wake up to some alarm blaring into my ears."

I know, I know....I can hear the "Awwwwwws......." right about now. Trust me, I was stunned. No one has EVER said something like that to me before. I don't consider myself to be a mushy romantic. I never was and I'm still not. But trust me, those words got me on the way to becoming one. Hahaha. Needless to say, Mr.A wasn't exactly a mushy romantic himself either, as I would eventually find out. He had his romantic moments, like this one. But when it came to things of the heart, we were exactly alike.....we didn't wait it out, to express ourselves to each other. I smiled myself to sleep that night. Since then, the missed wake-up call was OUR 'thing', among other couple-like 'things-and-nicknames' we were to have in our relationship. It wasn't like our lives revolved around each other; we had just become part of each other's daily life through texting. It was different!

Another reminder here, that we still hadn't physically TALKED on the phone. I guess, I was waiting for his 'chivalrous' side to take a leap on that one. OR, for an unseeingly looming disaster to hit, in order for me to take that first plunge.

Well, poignant to Murphy's law....disaster hit for sure. When it comes to love, sometimes you will receive subtle signs from the universe that you have met your soulmate. And sometimes the universe will tell you they aren't.....in our case, the universe was starting to send those subtle hints, which I chose to ignore. For starts, my phone got STOLEN!!!!

It was around that time, that my college was gearing up for the Annual Business & Cultural festival. It was a big deal for our college back then and I was one of the Coordinators for the Cultural side of events. Somehow, in the frenzy of everything, some 'douche bag' from college decided to snag my cell phone. It was a silver-plated, very sleek-like, sliding Nokia phone. I even made a public announcement in college asking for my phone back. Fat chance that was going to happen right? But I had to try. Not because I wanted to beat the crap out of the 'bozo' that stole my phone. But only because I didn't want Mr A to think I was ignoring his texts. By the next day, when I realized the chances of getting my phone back were pretty slim, a good friend lent me a spare cellphone to use. Well, atleast until my dad had a new cellphone shipped over. Poor thing, my father! He conceded immediately, not knowing the real reason behind why his daughter was asking for a new phone. I was clearly my Father's daughter! And proudly one, till today.

In the meantime, I sent Mr.A an email letting him know what had happened. And he responded immediately. I guess he figured something was 'off' on my end. Talk about telepathy, but I got a response within the next 1/2 hour saying that he got worried, when I hadn't given him the usual wake-up call nor responded to his texts. I smiled. He was worried about me?. He doesn't even know me enough just yet. Hmmm...Interesting, I thought. We resumed texting, as usual.

Murphy's law persisted....uuuughhhh. By now, which was a span of 3 days since my phone got stolen, I had started to notice that something was OFF on his end as well. The texts were less frequent from him. Where we were texting every hour prior to my phone being stolen, Mr A texted only twice that day. Hmm....that's weird. I decided I would wait another day to see if the pattern continued. I didn't want to come off weird and 'clingy-like', by asking Mr A if everything was okay. So, I waited. But sure enough, it bothered me to the core. And to add to my insecure feelings and disappointment, the same pattern continued the next day. Something was DEFINITELY wrong. My heart could feel it. It was racing way too fast. And I couldn't understand Why. So, in light of setting my inner-woman-integrity aside, I decided to do, what I normally wouldn't have done. I was going to call Mr A!!.

Yes! I needed to know what was going on. So many questions were bombarding my heart & head, all at the same time, like a battering ram. Was this IT? Had he decided this wasn't going to work for him, after all? Did he have second thoughts about a long-distance relationship? Was our love story OVER, even before it started? I couldn't keep still. I decided to head home right after class, that Wednesday afternoon at 2 pm to have an undisturbed conversation. I knew my mom wasn't going to be home, because she usually attends church every Wednesday afternoon. And my brother was at his college, as usual. So this was the perfect opportunity for me to call Mr A and find out what's going on.

I reached home at 2:30 pm. No one was home. Coast clear. PERFECT!! International dialling from India back then, was a process. Getting permission from my mom to do so, was another. I couldn't be bothered with house rules at this time. I didn't think twice. I dialed Mr A's number. He picked up on the third ring. And..... this Perfectly...... Alluring.... Sonorous Male voice..... came onto the other end of the line. I immediately sensed the muffle from the scruffiness of a lingering cold, but "He sounds Perfect'.... was my first thought.

He said "Hello".

I responded "Mr.A? Hi".

He recognized me immediately. The joyful surprise in his voice, from the subtle, silent gasp he let out, was hard to miss.

It was about 3 seconds before he said "Janet? It's you!!". I guess he could NOT believe that I was calling.

I responded, "Yes!!". Hardly believing myself and my guts.

Before I could think further, I blurted out all in one go.... "Are you okay? I barely heard from you the last 2 days. Sounds like you're sick. What's wrong?"

He let out a small chuckle. I guess he sensed my worry. He explained that he was down with the chills and fever for 2 days. And was resting and sleeping it out all throughout, thereof, rendering him to not be in a position to check his phone as often.

Now, THAT explains the infrequent texts. One can't EVEN imagine the sigh of relief I let out that instant.

I told him he should rest and we could talk later, but guess what?. This guy was NOT letting me off the phone. He kept talking and kept me talking. We talked for the next hour. It was amazing!!. His cold-ridden voice made no difference to either of us. We joked..... we laughed.... talked....it was one of the most BEAUTIFUL moments in our budding relationship.

I suggested him to take some home-remedies to speed up his recovery. Obviously, my concern got the better of me. Benefits of learning from a mother who knew well, than to rely on medical drugs. He said he would try them out. And I told him I would leave him alone for the next few days and not text or call, so he can get some much- needed rest.

But what he said next, astounded me. He said, "No, you won't".

I...umm... I was stumped for a second. And I asked,"What??...wha..what do you mean??".

"You don't get off the hook that easy now. You called me, when I should have been the one to make that first call to you. So now on, I'll be calling you. College, home....I don't care. We'll definitely be talking a lot ON THE PHONE. And you can't say No to that....well, unless you WANT to say No."

The confidence with which he said this, swept the ground from under my feet. It felt like I was starting to mean something to him.

I didn't think. I replied instantaneously, "I don't want to say No."

I could sense him smiling on the other end. We both were. Those next few moments of silence, said so much more, than the last few days of texts between us. I didn't want that moment to end!

Time was running short. It was almost 3:45 pm and my mom was going to be home soon. So we had to end the call. We said our goodbyes then, promising to talk and text the next day.

I slept like a baby that night.

The walls I usually put up around new people didn’t exist with Mr A, or maybe from a distance they weren’t tall enough that he couldn’t peer over them. I even told him things from my past that I was ashamed of, but shaped me into who I am today. If we had any chance of creating something meaningful and long-lasting, I knew we had to be completely honest with each other. The best part was that he listened. And, vice-versa with him.

The next 2 months passed by so fast. My days were filled with calls with Mr A .....classes... more calls in between.......projects & presentations......yet more calls with Mr A.....preparation for our upcoming trimester exams, and yet, even more calls with Mr A.

We were falling in love. We both knew it. We didn't have to say the 3 words to confirm what we were feeling. It didn't matter. Because. We. Just. Knew. And, somehow, that was enough!!

As my second trimester of MBA was slowly coming to an end, I noticed that a lot of my college peers were planning and in the process of acquiring internships for the next trimester, which was an Internship trimester. I had NO plans whatsoever to get one in India. Why? Because I had a different ....a devious plan, working through my brain quite strategically.

I asked my dad, to acquire me an internship in Dubai and I nudged him about it time and again for the next few weeks. Obviously you can imagine why I asked him of this. This was my ONE and ONLY chance to meet with Mr A personally, spend time with him and possibly introduce him to my dad as well. And I had to work through this, carefully and quickly.

Obviously I never looped my mother into this decision, because I knew she would oppose it right off the back. She would know too well, what my intentions were. In fact, she knew alright, when my father informed her that he got me a 2-month internship in Dubai, starting that June. She was hysterical .....with my dad, with me and bickered for the rest of the day.

All the while, when Mr A's and my relationship was starting to become more real with each passing day, my mom was just as quick to notice the subtle changes in me....I was smiling more often.....less annoyed with her nagging....wasn't easily provoked into arguments.

Somehow you would think that parents would be thrilled with these good behavioral changes in their kids. Well, maybe she was happy about that. But I also sensed my mother getting more irritated with me. She knew quite well 'Who' was the reason behind this change. I think the fact that it was the 'Who' and not a 'What', is what may have offended her. She did NOT like it. Not. One. Bit.

If we had to rationalize and empathize with my mother's thoughts back then, I guess, from her perspective, her only daughter was rebelling and going against HER wishes. I think the fact that I was on the edge of making a profound life decision at 24 yrs of age, without consulting her, seemed to bother her more and more.

Mr A and I talked about this at length, right from the start. It was a tug-of-war conversation constantly for us.

The guilt I felt....guilt of not having given my mother the chance to have a 'say', when it came to Mr A and me.

But Mr A repeatedly reminded me of one thing "Janet, do what makes you happy. Because when YOU are happy and absolutely SURE of what you want, the rest of world has to concede. Whether it's me, or your parents or anyone else. I know what I want out of this with you. You tell me what you want!"

Mr. A and I always left his part of the conversation open-ended. And he was RIGHT. He had his rational, which was right in it's place. And my guilt, I guess, had its justifiable reasons too. Infact, this was the one topic of discussion....My mother.... that Mr A and I always....always.... agreed to disagree.

Being Indian daughters, I realized that we're naturally inclined to feel guilt for all the love, time and obsessive-like care our parents have showered on us over the years. They do a good job of constantly reminding us too. Weirdly enough, this guilt is more predominant for the daughters, than for the sons. I guess we're just emotionally wired that way. This so-called guilt, eventually, transcends into some sort of fear ....fear of hurting them....fear of being a disappointment, especially if we had to oppose them on life-changing decisions such as love and marriage.

Furthermore, for over-thinkers like myself, this fear sometimes transcends into an undeniable looming worry.....a worry, if this will affect me in some "all-powerful-universal" way in our future lives. This worry gripped me like crazy. And Mr. A.....well, he ever so patiently, constantly reiterated to me to stop getting in over my head. He was right. I WAS getting wayyy in over my head.

I honestly, prayed and wanted to start a life with Mr A, with my parents blessings. It's all I ever wanted. For everyone to JUST get along. The man I love. The family I love. The fact that he's Orthodox should NOT make any difference is what I constantly reminded myself.

Why couldn't my mother just see that I was in love with this man? Why could she NOT understand? I wanted to tell her that I did NOT decide this. It just happened. You do Not get to choose who you love. It chooses YOU.

The way I felt with Mr A was like, when it seemed like gravity had pulled me to him and made me feel like the prettiest human who ever walked the earth.

He made me feel like I was on top of the world.

He didn't dictate any change to how I was. Especially, my occasional 'dramatic' side. For that matter I think he loved it.

He just let me be.... ME.

He was assertive, when needed....was submissive when the situation called for it. It made me respect him more....and fall in love with him, over and over again, every single day.

He made me forget that my scars, no matter what, are visible, and he'd paint over them with the most beautiful colors, encouraging me to love all and everything that had brought me here, all that had brought me to him.

It was obvious that I was irrevocably in love with this man. I did NOT choose to feel this way. But the reality was, that this is how I felt. I could not change it. How could I UNCHANGE a feeling as deep as this? I can't. I couldn't, even if I tried. I wish I could have explained this to my mother. I just couldn't.

There were also other 'so-called aristocratic' reasons for my mother's opposition, none of which, I wish to even bother mentioning. Because honestly, those 'reasons' were just too shallow for our evolving era, even for my taste as on old-school hearted person. It did NOT make sense then and till today, I harbor immense anger towards anyone who would even remotely cite, those reasons for opposing two people being in love.

By the end of May, I was getting ready to fly to Dubai to spend the next 2 months with my dad....and meet my Mr.A, ofcourse. My brother and my mom saw me off at the airport, that early chilly May morning. There was an air of anger and irritation in my mother's voice. Even though the guilt was edging at me bit by bit, it was nothing compared to the butterflies that I felt swarming through the pit of my belly, as I was navigating myself through airport check-in and security. I fibbed to Mr A that I was going to be in Dubai in June, with the intent of surprising him a couple of days before. Figured we'd have some time, before my internship started, to meet....to talk...and get to know each other. And this time, in PERSON.

My flight took off on time that morning.....I couldn't contain my inner excitement all throughout the 3.5 hour journey to Dubai. I don't know if I even ate or slept though that journey.

I kept imagining Mr A's and my first meeting. What would it be like? Finally, I'll get to meet him....the man who was to supposed to be the 'butt of pranks' for my buddies.....the man who had unexpectedly become my reality......the man I fell in love with for the very first time in my life....and that too, online.....Mr.A..

#openlife

#real-lifelove

#treasuretheoneyoulove

..............Part 4....contd in the next post.... in Dubai....