Are We Attracting The Wrong People?

I've wondered for the longest time in my life why God allows me to keep attracting the wrong kind of people. I met the wrong guy, fell in love and then got dumped. Married the wrong guy and divorced him. Met and dated few wrong people. Met and became friends with some wrong people who got off the friend-passenger bus after awhile. For the longest time, I thought something was always, I mean always, wrong with me....like as if I was doing something wrong. As if I was broken. Different. Weird. Someone who by nature was completely off the trajectory of what an Indian woman's path of life should be.

Until recently. When I stopped and realized something profound. Well, I'll be honest I always realized it but never quite came around to Accepting it.

Maybe these wrong people are actually the Right people for Me, after all.

I bet some of you may also be questioning why you always attract the wrong kind of people. Friends, family, coworkers, lovers. While that may be true, what if they’re actually the right people for you?

Because here's the thing, the “wrong people” can actually show us Our worth as much as the “right people”, even if you don’t see it through the way they speak to us or the way they treat us.

They can be the people who are supposed to show us that We, in fact, deserve better.

When we put up with their inconsistency or their use of words or their short temper for too long, we get drained. We deteriorate, and our body tries to signal to us that this is not what we should accept.

Stop letting in anyone that comes your way: That’s the lesson they’re teaching us.

And God knew they were the right person to teach us that lesson. So, maybe they weren’t the wrong person for us to begin with.

When I met Mr A and then my ex-husband right after, I always wondered; I always questioned - if they were never meant to be, why bring them into my life at all? Why put me through the pain? I was so angry with God for this.

And that's when I realized that had they not walked into my life when they did, I wouldn't have learnt the things about myself or explored my inner strength or even aspired to be the strong, fierce, confident and emotionally independent person that I am today. The person I always dreamed to me, inspite of anything and everything.

So here's what we do. The person who came into our lives to show us what a good time is supposed to be? Well, Thank them.

But then, let them go when it’s no longer a good time. When it starts to become toxic and we start to forget why we even let them stay this long, we can let them go. There are no rules.

Trust ourselves. Trust that we know ourselves best—what makes us tingle with excitement and what absolutely wears us down.

So, let’s stop acting like life keeps sending us the wrong people.

We hold the key to our homes; we get to decide who stays and who leaves. And we get to learn how to be a better judge of this as life goes on. So, we must have patience. We must be willing to grow through the pain.

The patterns. The triggers. The familiarity. They’ll all clue us in.

Until then, the wrong people are all the right people in this season.

God knows our heart better than we do ourselves. And I say this purely from experience. He knows the lessons we need. He’s not going to shield us from pain and evil, because He knows that’s not realistic.

He allows these said “wrong” people to continue to meet us until we learn the lesson.

Parents who shield their children end up raising adults that need training wheels on their bikes, adults who don’t know how to stand up for themselves. My parents took mine and my brother's so-called "training wheels" off when we turned 25 and 22 respectively, while we were very much single and could care less for the 'real-world' life. They wouldn't have done that had God not guided them to do so. I'm always grateful for both my feministic, un-conventional parents who gave us the tools and values to live by. Had God not brought them AND the 'wrong' people and caused the "Bad" situations for us to face, I know that today me and my brother wouldn't immensely value everything that we have and we should be grateful for, including having the respect for our parents and loving them even more every single day, for being instruments of God to teach us what we needed to learn.

God wants us to thrive. He’s like a parent who wants us to be faced with wrong, because He’s fair, and because He trusts us. He wants to show us how powerful we are in realizing and being aware of what is right.

How can we know what is good unless we know bad?

How can we learn how to love unless we learn what is hatred?

How can we know what we deserve unless we are faced with what is unacceptable?

When a child touches the stove and gets burned, he now knows the pain he’ll choose to avoid next time the stove is on.

When we meet a stranger-turned-friend and we get hurt, we now know the pain we want to avoid next time we come across a stranger. Maybe we won’t let our guard down so easily this time. Maybe they’ll have to give us a trailer into the friendship they’d offer us before we commit to watching the whole thing unravel for itself. Or maybe we let them in and we have to call it quits later.

The truth is I am also trying to figure out whether or not I want or even need to be romantically involved with someone anymore. I am aware that I can take great care of myself, and the truth is I do not need another half to make me whole, because I am incredibly capable of being alone.

I have spent a lot of time recently questioning if as human beings, should we give our whole selves to just one other person, or can we find deeper connections within multiple people in friends, family and maybe, lover? If we do that, are we opening up ourselves to whole sleuth of wrong people?

I don’t know if I will ever love again, but my heart is open, and my love is free.

What I’m trying to say is, the wrong people are the right people for us until we make the decision to call them as they are.

We are learning. We are growing. Give ourselves the space and forgiveness to accept what was in the past and to look forward with hope for the future.

In time, we will meet the right kind of people, the kind of right we knew existed, the kind of right we never have to mistake for wrong.

#wrongpeopleareright #rightpeople #lovingyourself #trustingGod